Thursday, February 14, 2013

Shakespearean Pick-up Lines for Valentine's Day

You all know that Shakespeare Geek has produced a great book (Hear My Soul Speak: Wedding Quotes from Shakespeare) on how and why to incorporate Shakespeare into a wedding. But how do you get to that point? Can Shakespeare help you get a date so that, sometime in the future, you can use Shakespeare (and Shakespeare Geek's book) when you tie the knot?

You have to start somewhere, and Bardfilm has come up with a list of classy lines (with considerable additions and emendations by Shakespeare Geek himself) to enable you to introduce yourself to that special someone—just in time for Valentine’s Day!

Shakespearean Pick-up Lines

If I said you were the most beautified, would you say that beautified was a vile phrase?

Can I just tell you, your eyes are nothing like the sun. And what's up with that wiry head of hair you got going on? Wait, where you going? Come back, it gets better! Your breath reeks! Call me!

You're like a good production of A Midsummer Night's Dream.  You both have a nice Bottom.

To be or not to be? With you, the former. Without you, the latter.

Hey, that guy de Vere wrote you this sonnet and told me to put my name on it. No, wait, no he didn't, he's dead. 

Now is the winter of my discontent. Won't you make it glorious summer by going out with me?

I noticed you hitting it off with that fair youth. Care to make it a three-way?

You look like an angel. Or at least a minister of grace. 

You must know Shakespeare ’cause my heart just did a swan dive. Because he's, like, called the Swan of Avon sometimes. Get it?

Ever seen a beast with two backs? Want to help me make one?

If you were a statue, I'd wish I were Leontes and you were Hermione, who was pretending to be dead for sixteen years. And not really a statue at all.

If I start behaving like an ass, will you start behaving like Titania?

I bet your phone number ends in 1599 because that's the most probable date for the composition of As You Like It.

Hi. My name is Julius, and when I saw you, I said to myself, "Julius, seize her!"

God hath given you one face, but you made yourself another. You didn't need to. I mean, the first one was fine.

Let's go back to my place and tear some sheets, Doll!

O, somebody bring me a bucket of water ’cause I just found my muse of fire! Hey, baby, did you ever ascend the brightest heaven of invention?

You. Me. Dance floor. Now. Don't give me no ado about nothing. 

The fault is not in our stars but in your eyes. I mean, the stars are in your eyes. Or something.

They must have left the gates of purgatory open—look who walked out! Besides Hamlet's dad, I mean.

There's nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so - and I'm thinking you look good.

I'd LIKE for YOU to PLEASE go OUT with ME. Ever been picked up in iambic pentameter before?

I'd rather compare thee to a summer's NIGHT, if you don't mind and if you get my meaning.

I don't want to brag, but I did once hear my last girlfriend referring to our sex life as the "sound and the fury." I didn't catch what she said after that. Or immediately before.

Our thanks for this guest post to kj, the author of Bardfilm. Bardfilm is a blog that comments on films, plays, and other matters related to Shakespeare.


Phelia said...

You're making me wish that I knew some attractive Shakespeare geeks! Alas, if I used one of these I would probably get this sort of response:
"Uh... are you quoting something?"
"You can't be named Julius. You're a girl."
"Wha...? Vile phrase? I... huh? Does this have something to do with the vile jelly you keep talking about?"

Duane Morin said...

Great name, by the way. Oh, Phelia!