"I know who owns these woods, it's a guy from in town. He won't mind if I hang out here for a minute. My horse has no idea why we stopped out here in the middle of nowhere, though, I can tell by the way he's shaking his harness. It's pretty quiet. Anyway, nice woods, but I've still got a long trip ahead of me."
There you go, now you don't have to ever read "Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening" by Robert Frost. Enjoy.
Look, I can do it with anything. How about "O Captain, My Captain" by Walt Whitman?
"Hey Captain, that was a pretty scary trip! But good news, we found the prize we were looking for, and now we're almost home. I can hear the bells ringing and the people waiting for us on the shore. Oh no! There's blood on the deck, the captain is dead."
Ok, one more. Anybody like Poe?
"One late night I was in the library, and I had nearly fallen asleep when I heard someone knocking. 'Must be someone at the door,' I thought. I remember it well, it was a cold December night and I'd been watching the fire in the fireplace, trying to get my mind off of my lost Lenore. ..."
Raise your hand if your sarcasm detector is going off. :) Your friendly neighborhood Shakespeare Geek just read one too many stories about yet another dumbed down Shakespeare where "Is this a dagger that I see before, the handle toward my hand? Come let me clutch at thee, I have thee not and yet I see thee still" would be translated as "Oh look, a dagger. Why, that's odd, my hand went right through it, what's up with that?"